Sunday, March 28, 2010

What You Deserve

Recently, three friends got new cars which has rekindled my desire for a transportation upgrade.  Mind you, I don't need a new car, the one I have is running just fine.  But its eleven years old and a SUV,  and I prefer driving something a little more sleek than an apartment on wheels.  I inherited this car from my dad when he couldn't bear to "give away" the truck to a dealer for a mere $6000.  I did point out that if he "gave" it to the dealer instead of me, he'd be $6000 richer, but he said it was the principle of the thing.  My family has a weird, probably unhealthy attachment to their autos, but thats a subject for another day.  I happily accepted it because my 93 miata had seen better days and I didn't really want to take on a car payment. 

But that was over 2 years ago, and I'm ready for a new car.  And if you'd believe the auto company advertisements, I deserve a new car!  Now this is where it gets sticky because while I would love to agree with this mega industrys assessment of my rights, I'm wondering who is going to pay for it.  Not me, I deserve it therefore it should just show up in my driveway.  Deserve is one of those tricky words; it sounds like empowerment, but it really is just another representative of victim language.  "Deserve" feels like you are owed, that it is a right and someone or something is not allowing you to have it.  It is a very powerful word, and advertisers know it.  How often have you heard this in a commercial , "I "you" deserve a new dress, pair of designer shoes, a couple of designer houses.  I "you" work hard and haven't had anything new in about 60 seconds!" 

So, how do you get around the "deserve drama" that is so prevalent today.   Try changing the word, "deserve" for "want", and see if it is true.  Do you really want a vacation home is Spain, or is this just in response to a rivals acquisition or a question of keeping up with the Jones's.  Did you notice when you said "I want" it became less graspy and more empowering?  Wanting is a good thing and helps define where you are going.  And then setting an intention to get it allows your brain to start coming up with really cool ways to acquire your hearts desire.  And don't be surprised if the universe kicks in with a little help.  But not because you deserve it.

We deserve what we are able to provide for ourselves.  Do you feel you deserve respect, love, and heres a hot topic just for fun, health care?  I would ask you to start with yourself; do you respect and love you?  If so, are you aligning yourself with people, companies and institutions that also believe in these values?  And even then, do you stick up for yourself when the line is crossed or leave when it is not respected?  You do!, Congratulations, you are getting what you deserve!

For Mary,  deserve de-serves you!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Your Relationship with You, How's that going?

There are two types of relationships, the one we have with ourselves and the one with everyone else.  We spend so much time working on the connections with family, coworkers, community, religions, etc.  But the most important relationship, the one we have ultimate control over and gives us unlimited resources for navigating this life, is the one that is constantly neglected and trivialized.  And that most precious connection is the one we have with ourselves.

Yes, I know it's not been the highest of priorities for societies, past and present, to support self reliance amongst the people.  As a matter of fact, thinking for yourself and yes valuing the individual has been deemed downright subversive. Well, you can see their point, if you have a community of people thinking and doing for themselves, its a lot harder to control that particular group.  And then how would you get those people to give you money and power if they don't need you to make decisions for them?

Don't misunderstand me, we are social beings and require communities for connection and growth.  But thats only part of the picture and somehow its become the only thing most people focus on.   Life is balance and your personal growth is a key to that equation.   How much time have you spent taking care of your physical and mental body this week?  Are you exercising your decision making muscle and keeping your thoughts positive and productive?  What can you do this week to start incorporating self care into your routine?  Hmm......